Bringing your doubt
How do we deal with doubt about our faith?
Over the years I've learned that doubt doesn't have to be the enemy of faith. It can open the door to deeper connections to Jesus.
My life has been a mix of questioning, believing, seeking to understand, and ultimately wrestling between what I can see and what I can't see.
As a child I prayed for something, a sign, a moment with Jesus, confirmation I can see with my eyes or hear with my ears. I wanted a way to prove my faith.
I wanted certainty.
That prayer still happens on occasion.
I've met people who've had sensory experiences with God, and they found it to be faith-affirming. They know with certainty that Jesus was present with them, and it's guided their life as a result; and in some cases the fruit of that is beautiful.
But I also know people who claim to walk with God, and have used it as a way to demand unquestioning allegiance. They weaponize their faith, and use it to coerce others. We've all heard stories where people did something horrible in the name of God.
Trusting my senses alone isn't enough. I can't fully even know if my own mind is correct.
So yes, I do doubt. I question things, I live with uncertainty.
Some days I feel like the father laying out his unbelief in front of Jesus.
“I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!” Mark 9:24 NLT
I struggle with the unseen, and how that connects to what we can see: namely the community of professing believers throughout the world.
As a child I thought churches were places of refuge. If someone claimed to follow Jesus, and had a title to go with it, then they were someone that could be trusted.
That, unfortunately, isn't always true.
Throughout the Bible we see example after example of leaders, who are supposed to represent God, misusing their positions.
And then there is today.
People claim the name of Jesus, yet sometimes live in ways completely opposed to what he taught and how he lived.
I often find myself connecting with unbelievers in our desire to care for humanity—and they have no professed religion at all.
So I struggle to separate my lived faith, and the world around me, and understand how that is or is not connected to Jesus.
The clearest answer I've found is to spend time contemplating our savior. I think about his love, his life, and his words.
Even when I'm not sure what is true, even when there's so much in the world conflicting with the message of a loving savior, believing in his love and kindness changes me. I feel myself transformed, see myself loving others the way Jesus asked.
So yes, I am not sure of the unseen, I question, I struggle with uncertainty.
But time and again I find delight and joy in worship, in uncovering beauties of the story of salvation, and in seeing it transform and better the life of those around me.
Turning my attention to these things, even though I'm not certain of them, is worth it.
Believing in a God who is loving, who cares, and who can't help but hear our plights and hold our sorrow; I consider that worth it.
And so I think it's an ok thing to doubt. I actually encourage it. It's honest, it's human, it gives the opportunity for openness and exploration, and creates the chance to connect with a redeemer, someone who loves us, and cares for us.
Jude encourages us to show mercy to those who doubt (Jude 22).
So if you're unsure of your faith, just know you're not alone and that doesn't mean you aren't loved by God. Bring those doubts to Jesus. A loving savior can handle the honest pleas of our heart.